I Regret to Announce I Have Killed My Darling
Sometimes a book just doesn’t work.
While writing each and every one of my books, I have hit a point (or multiple points) where the plot/pacing/tone etc. just weren’t working. It’s frustrating and discouraging, but I’ve always been able to push through. I doubt anyone who writes novels has never experienced this.
But sometimes a book isn’t going to work, no matter how hard I try. After nearly two years of trying to write the seventh Game Changers book (the Luca Haas book) I’ve finally admitted that the book isn’t going to work. I’ve decided to end the Game Changers series with The Long Game.
I want to provide a detailed explanation, not only because I feel bad for the readers who were looking forward to a book I’ve been promising for a long time, but because it may help other authors who are struggling to write the next book in a series, or any book their heart isn’t in.
First, I want to talk about why I wanted to write the book in the first place, especially after deciding at the time that The Long Game would finish the series. Shortly after that book came out, I found myself thinking a lot about Luca. I wondered if the series needed one more book, from the POV of a younger player who benefits from the game being changed by the heroes of the rest of the series. This book could also follow the Centaurs for another season, and give the team their happy ending (Stanley Cup). My idea was to have the conflict come largely from homophobic fan backlash, led by a popular hockey podcast. And meanwhile Luca could have a sweet little romance. It honestly seemed like it would write itself, especially since I am so familiar with the entire cast of characters.
I wrote almost half of a book about Luca in 2023, then abandoned it to write The Shots You Take. I liked a lot of what I had written about Luca, but I was stuck. I couldn’t see how I could keep the story going. I thought if I put it on hold, I’d have some fresh ideas when I went back to it. In 2024, I went back to it with some fresh ideas, but those also didn’t work. From early 2023 until a couple of weeks ago, I tried everything. I rewrote every scene, went on two expensive writing retreats (including one to Ottawa), and bounced every idea in the world off my husband. I wrote several synopses. I tried different love interests for Luca. I tried SO MANY THINGS.
Here are some reasons why this book couldn’t work:
There are almost no stakes
Luca would be the fourth openly queer player on the Centaurs. Obviously he would be supported by his teammates and most of the fans, and there wouldn’t be a scandal. So I knew the conflict needed to come from somewhere else. Luca’s insecurities and lack of experience created a bit of drama, but not nearly enough, especially not if this book was going to span an entire hockey season (and the playoffs).
The villain can’t be defeated
If the only external conflict is coming from a homophobic podcast and fans, they can’t be defeated. We live in a world that proves a podcast is not going to become less popular for saying ignorant, offensive stuff. I can’t make the commissioner of the league the villain, because I was told not to (legal reasons). My other idea was to create a villain specific to Luca, like an evil ex or something. I hated this idea. Obviously winning the Stanley Cup is a form of “defeating” the villain, but it wasn’t enough and having that as the climax means the book has to span an entire hockey season (see above).
The Long Game was the happy ending
I worked hard to show all of the Game Changers MCs in a good place by the end of The Long Game, and to hint about what the future could hold for them. I very intentionally included everyone, if not in The Long Game itself, then in Role Model. I didn’t have much more to say about any of them, and I really didn’t want to drag them down from their happy ending into more drama and conflict. In particular, I didn’t want to take away from Shane and Ilya’s big happy ending. They earned that, and I didn’t want to show, in the very next book, that they were still dealing with tons of haters. It just bummed me out.
Luca is too young
He’s too young, guys! I was pushing it with 23-year-old Casey in Time to Shine but Luca is a young 21-year-old. I’m not a YA writer and I felt weird writing him. Definitely a “how do you do, fellow kids?” situation. On top of that, I know very little about Swiss culture so that also felt very forced. I loved writing Luca in the two books he appeared in, but I couldn’t get in his head for a full book. And, frankly, I wasn’t looking forward to writing his sex scenes.
I did consider setting the book five years in the future, just to age him up and maybe to create more interesting plot ideas, but I felt that youth and innocence were the things that made Luca a fun character in the other books. When I tried to imagine him in his mid-twenties, I got bored. The whole purpose of him in the series was to have an obvious fanboy crush on Ilya, and to be an adorable rookie. The only other interesting thing about him is that he’s good at drawing, and that doesn’t fill a book.
Is this a romance book or just a feel-good story about a hockey team?
You’ll notice that I haven’t even mentioned Luca’s love interest, or the romance plot. You know why? I couldn’t make it matter. It was like I was writing two books alongside each other. Even though I’d come up with a way to connect the love interest to the team, I still couldn’t maintain an interesting love story that matched the beats of the hockey plot. At one point I thought about making Luca’s love interest a teammate just to tighten things up, but that would mean a fifth queer player on the team and it was starting to seem like a parody.
The other problem: I don’t really want Luca to fall in love? Not yet, anyway. I want him to have fun and be young and maybe be the first queer hockey player in my fictional universe who doesn’t basically marry the first or second guy he sleeps with. In other words, my heart was not invested in this love story.
My best idea for Luca’s book was romcom-esque, and I knew it was not right for the series. I thought about doing it as a spin-off instead, but that didn’t really make sense. You know what does make sense? Ending a series at six books instead of seven, especially since I’d already written the happy ending.
I do feel bad for teasing this book for so long, and then ultimately taking it away. It was not an easy decision to make at all, especially not after all the work I put into it. I felt like a failure, but I’ve decided to focus instead on what I’ve achieved with this series, rather than what I wasn’t able to do. I’m proud of Game Changers, and I like how it ended. Truthfully, I could easily have written a mediocre book about Luca and packed it full of Ilya and Shane appearances and I’m sure it would have sold well, but it would have been a terrible way to end the series. I did enjoy writing the characters again when I was trying to write Luca’s book, so you can expect to see some short stories. I certainly have a lot of scenes written that can be expanded into short stories. I hope to put together a collection of Game Changers short stories someday. But mostly I’m excited to write new stories that will probably have nothing to do with hockey.
I know how lucky I am, having received so much love for this series and these characters. I appreciate all of the love and support so much, and believe me when I say this decision comes from my own love of these characters. I want to do the right thing by them, and sometimes the right thing is to walk away.